I remember when I was floundering back in 2009. It was at that time that I considered not even going to college. I thought about pursuing a music career with my voice over in California. Getting an agent and trying my luck at entering the music field sounded like a better idea than moving to a college town, getting a degree, and making a family by the time I was 23. Relationships seemed futile and I felt worthless; I wanted to prove myself by showing everyone else up with my talent!
Since then, however, I have found myself as one of the few girls in the business program, and I'm over halfway done with my degree. I've mastered the social scene (at least gained a significant amount of control in my sphere). I've fully recovered from massive heartbreak. I've grown spiritually. I'm independent financially. I have THE best friend in the world helping me make it through the craziness in between my strong moments. Overall, I have found who I am, and I'm ready for progression at this point. I couldn't have said that two years ago.
More important that the age itself is the abilities associated with the age. The age of 18/19 is the age of stupidity. It's not anyone's fault, but you are a completely nieve, stupid individual at that age for the most part. I fully admit to being just like that at that point in my life; in fact, I probably still have a small measure of that stupidity now that I'm nearly 21. You aren't developed enough in your thinking; you haven't had that chance to learn to stand on your own two feet or think for yourself- how could you have the street smarts to fend for yourself on every level already? You don't. And that's totally OK. It's supposed to be that way, and you're not going to be that stupid forever. There's light at the end of the tunnel.
Here's my opinion on the whole marriage thing and when one knows they are ready. The rule of thumb, in my opinion, is that you are forbidden to get married until you are ready to be a parent. Don't you dare get into a marriage with the idea that you are at an ending point- that will discourage you, because you're starting something at that moment. The maturity isn't there until you realize what marriage actually is, and it's an enabler of the creation of a family. You are required to start thinking of others the minute you make your vows with your God and your spouse at the alter- it is no longer all about you. It is no longer the "fun" life you were living before. You have to be a grown-up. Your days as a child are over, and it will be time to take responsibility for not only your husband or wife, but the coming children that you are commanded to allow into your lives. Does that idea irk you just a little bit? Well here's some advice: GET OVER YOURSELF.
The thing is, I know you all know that I'm right on this one. It's an unnerving truth though, isn't it? In fact, it's downright daunting really. I think about myself right now, and I wonder, gosh... am I ready to be a mother right now? I'll admit, I don't have all the answers, and if I were pregnant right now, I would cry every day because I have nothing figured out beyond where I want to be. But despite that fact, I feel like moving towards that goal is in my cards right now. I didn't even consider that possibility two years ago! My idea of marriage was all about was being the sweet little wifey with the skanky little aprons in the kitchen when my brand new little hubby came home from work every night. He would wear a suit and carry a suitcase. I would make him dinner and clean the house during the day. We would travel and see the world and be perfectly happy! We'd be just like those cute couples in the movies- complete cheeseballs and mooshy-gooshy all the time.
Now I'm not saying that it won't be like that for a little while- in fact, that first year of marriage is supposed to be a time of development for a husband and wife, and I think you need that time to truly know each other. But what if you find out after your honeymoon that you are expecting a third or maybe even fourth member of your family? What will you do at that point? Do you think it's possible that something like that could tear the two of you apart? You better believe it. Do you know how many single mom's I know personally? Yah- it's scary. But it's reality. So unless you have the mental, emotional, and physical ability to be a parent when you join together with another person for time and all eternity, don't go there. It's no longer about you. You have to be there mentally even though you might not get there for another year or so. The elevated level of maturity is necessary to survive. That's just how it is.
No one said it would be easy- they just said that it would be worth it. So wait it out and don't start rushing into something until you know yourself well enough to judge your abilities. It's OK to take it slow; it's OK to know you have a ways to go. Just work for progression and don't worry so much about the in-between, but rather the destination. Yet savor the moments that lie in the NOW. Life is meant for enjoyment and learning and growth. You can't fly with a broken wing, so don't attempt something that you're not ready for, and don't ask someone else to do the same thing. It will all work out in its own due time :) No worries.
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