The Most Epic Dream EVER.

It has been an absolutely awesome weekend!!!! I am pleased to inform you all that my ankle is slowly recovering, and I will be back on the treadmill within the week!!! :D

In other news, I had another crazy dream last night... I was in a video game, and the object of the level I was on in the game was to give out Book of Mormons and spread the gospel throughout an airport. However, there were secret tunnels and frightening passages with terrible beasts everywhere trying to stop me from doing so. I got to the end boss, which was actually three different creatures: they were these giant, morphed turtles that were more like massive dinosaurs. 

The Evil Turtles!!!!

My first thought- let's avoid these suckers... But I realized that, although I could get through them and to the door across the room, I had overlooked one thing: THEIR MASTER!!!!!! Dun dun dun!!!!! Even with my sword and shield and my SWEET hero's outfit, I couldn't withstand the awesome power of an OLD MAN WITH A BAT!!!!!!!! This old guy started swearing at and chasing me across the level- I couldn't lose the dude! Terrified, I tried to find any passageway that was not locked with a chain (I had taken some shortcuts and therefore had not gotten all the keys to all of the rooms- I mean... some of the rooms just have rupees in them... and who needs money from a treasure chest when it's common knowledge that beating the boss fills your wallet ENTIRELY?). Before I knew it, I was all the way back at the beginning of the airport-maze level. So I restarted the level knowing that all my progress was ruined...

I tried again, beginning at the street level. In order to get into the airport, you had to take this terrible detour due to a ton of construction. The first time, I suffered through the traffic. But no!!! I was not going to be delayed by the state again!! Time was of the essence!!! I found an illegal entrance, covered by cones and "Do Not Enter" signs. But hey- somehow I managed to slip through unnoticed. I tiptoed through the barren area and found a trailer full of people (For some reason, I needed to go through here to get inside the airport, so I did). It was strange, because it was like an office inside, and I happened to know that every single one of them were Georgian Baptists. ZZZZIIIIIINNNNNNNNNGGG!!!! Book of Mormon Time!!!!!! 

From my non-existent bag, I pulled out a bunch of Books of Mormon/Book of Mormons and started attempting the hand them out... epic fail. Them Baptists kicked me out and told me to NEVER come back!!! They even alerted security that I was there, which meant that my journey into the airport was going to be trickier than before. Shoot Gina... I was in trouble...

Yet suddenly, I was back at the end boss! I had gotten a cheat from God and had jumped straight the to the end for my efforts in the hidden trailer. Yeah! Alright!!! This time, I was going to BEAT those turtles and get to the prize room. I headed straight to the turtles prepared to destroy them ALL!!! The old man would probably be devastated once his prized beasts were dead- so devastated and horrified that he would surrender his bat and grant me entrance to the prize room where I would surely warp out and move on to the next level. Instead, another surprise awaited me. The old man, instead of chasing me, spoke....

"I'll offer you a deal," said he from across the room. At his word, the turtle creatures retreated to the water. Startled, I lowered my sword and allowed him to continue. "I'm listening, " I replied in a wary tone. What happened next was a monologue that, upon waking up, would make me laugh for hours.

He began, and the camera panned like it does in a movie scene on a video game: Epic. Slow. Dramatic. "Magnificent creatures aren't they? They listen to my every word. If I tell them to kill, they kill. If I tell them to retreat, they retreat. But I am not their owner." "What?" I gasped, startled. "What are you then?" "I'm the gatekeeper; the caretaker of these rare beauties. The airport owns them- they use them as an attraction the bring this airport location traffic and revenue." I looked around, and as I did so, I noticed that, indeed,  hundreds of people had their faces pressed to the glass a few hundred feet away, just outside of the aquarium-like enclosure. I realized then that the state was in on everything- they were ALL the bad guys!!!! These poor civilians had no IDEA that they were falling straight into a trap by flying with them. "Go on, " I said, waiting for the point.

He cleared his throat, then coaxed me to come closer so he could whisper. I did so. "Do you know how much these animals are worth?" I shook my head. "15 million a piece," he said smiling, "Do you understand what that means?" I shook my head again. He looked around suspiciously, then continued. "Here in the states, you can't sell these things and get away with it. You need a more... blurred market if you get my drift. One word. Africa." "Ok... so....?" I asked, still confused. He went on, "I've got a buyer in Swaziland that has offered me 7 million in cash per turtle if I can transport them to him in two days time. It's less than half of what their worth, but to have the cash in hand by the weekend is enough to motivate me. That means I've gotta get them out of here and fast, and it's gotta be without the airport guard finding out. If you can help me do it using your skills with the sword and shield, I'll give you the key to the door. Heck- blow the place up for all I care! Just get me and my babies outa here and you've got whatever you want."

I thought about his offer. "What if I don't help you?" I asked curiously. He shrugged, "I kill you and let my treasured monsters suck you dry and bury you in a watery grave." "Huh..." I pondered. Tempting offer. Of course, I was positive I could destroy them all with my magical abilities, God's constant 1UPs, and my incredible agility and swordsmanship, but now I was in the middle of deciding who was the bad guy here. On one hand, this dude was a renegade- no morals and a thirst for power with the ability to cause some major destruction. On the other hand, the airport people were pretty bad people too- I mean, they're the ones that bought these demons for the sake of profit and pure evil... So by setting this guy free, I would hurt the airport and take down their greatest security without even risking a hair on my head. But then he would be free with an unimaginable force out in Africa- and surely the man offering the money was up to no good- why else would he want these... things? But if I knew about it now and knew where exactly this old fool was taking them exactly, it could extend my journey to Africa- I could end up discovering more secret combinations and save this favored land- Nay, the WORLD- from the greatest tragedy of all time!!!!

"Ok," I shrugged. "Gooooooood. Gooooooooooooood," he said. We embarked.

Turns out, there was no resistance at all... A plane was waiting in a secret carrier, and we transported the fiends and their master to the aircraft seamlessly. "Well... that was easy. Here's your key." He threw the key at me and flew away. "We shall meet again, Old Man...We shall meet again." I said, clutching the key dramatically, the sound of leather bending and stretching all the while.

I rushed back to the room, and everyone was gone. The people were no longer pressing their faces to the glass. In fact, upon my re-entrance into the room, the alarms went off. The airport was on high alert!!! Everyone was evacuated except the airport goons and me. I had to move... and fast. Making my way across the room, I unlocked the door and entered, the blackness within making the loud *THUD* of the iron door sound even louder. Then, the warp zone appeared, glimmering and making the heavenly "Laaaaaaaaaaaa" sounds of angels (like all warp zones do). I ran to it and, just as I was being transported out, the guards entered and yelled, "No!!!!!!!" The scene faded.

Movie moment. I was lifted high above the airport and saw it explode in slow motion, the flames spitting shrapnel and construction cones high into the air. I covered my face to protect from the heat. Then... the victory music!!!! Another day saved!!!! 

♫♫♫Dun dunnah nuh!!!!! Nuh nuh nuh Dun nunnah!!!! Dun dunnah nuh!!! Dunnuh nuh nuuuuuuhhhh!!!!!♫♫♫

However, I knew that this war was not over. There were other lands to be visited, more Books of Mormon/Book of Mormons to give out, and more gospel to be heard. Most importantly, there were more evil humans out there trying to brainwash their fellow inhabitants and take over the world, which meant my job was far from done. Onto the next level!!!! Blackout.

And then I woke up... Hahahahahaha. Good story huh? I thought so. Well... Now you know how twisted my dreams are. Hope it was entertaining!!!!!

Until next time everyone. Come Lonestar- WE DANCE! ;) Peace out!